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The Witty and Memorable Sayings from “Only Murders in the Building” Season 1 and 2

“Only Murders in the Building” has become a fan-favorite whodunit series on Hulu, created by the dynamic duo of John Hoffman and Steve Martin. Gracing the screen are Steve Martin himself, Selena Gomez, and Martin Short, among others including Amy Ryan and Cara Delevingne. Set primarily within the iconic Arconia building nestled in the bustling streets of New York, the show weaves a tapestry of intriguing characters, some of which are played by high-profile guest stars like Sting from The Police in the inaugural season and Amy Schumer in the subsequent one.

The story follows Charles (played by Steve Martin), a washed-up TV detective, Mabel (Selena Gomez), a young woman haunted by her past, and Oliver (Martin Short), a theater director on the brink of financial ruin. An unexpected fire alarm brings together these three residents with a mutual penchant for true crime podcasts. After they’re thrown into an authentic mystery within the Arconia, they decide to document their investigation in a podcast aptly named ‘Only Murders in the Building.’ Their podcast, initially expected to revolve around the singular murder, unexpectedly becomes a saga as they uncover numerous secrets of the Arconia. Amidst the unfolding drama, it is the playful and sharp-witted exchanges between the trio that provide some of the show’s most memorable highlights. Here’s a look at some standout lines from the juicy and quip-filled first and second seasons of Only Murders in the Building.

Oliver: You’re composing for a murder mystery, not spinning tracks for a hobbit’s knot-tying ceremony.
Charles: The concertina’s melody? Utterly haunting.
Oliver: Haunting’s one word for it. It’s like being transported to an ancient Irish homestead, right in the thick of the Potato Famine.

Charles: These true crime stories… they’re someone’s lived reality.
Oliver: And you’re only now having this revelation?
Charles: Well, it’s become personal, hasn’t it?
Oliver: Was personal to me from the start—Winnie’s at stake.
Charles: Remind me, who’s Winnie?
Oliver: ‘Who’?! Winnie! My dog! Who nearly died from poisoning! And here you are, forgetful! I’m worried, truly.

Leonora: Your voice. Why does it sound so familiar?
Charles: I’m an actor. Ever seen Brazzos?
Leonora: They play that at my nursing home. Perfect ambient noise for one’s final chapter.

Oliver: Did the ambitious pregnant protege pull a sly stunt? Ha! I’m on a roll today!

Oliver: When I’d linger in the loo as a kid, granny would offer, ‘Oliver, want me to come and smear some Vaseline on your behind?’

Oliver: Heads up, everyone, traffic’s about to get as jammed as Orson Welles’ arteries.

Marv: A good old-fashioned crisis, that’s what knits New Yorkers together like no other.

Mabel: So, you’re choosing to spin a tantalizing yarn over laying out the blunt truth?
Oliver: No, no, we wouldn’t dream of that. Well… perhaps on occasion. But we’d rather not.

Williams: You do grasp the gravity of perjury, correct?
Oliver: Perjury, of course. Reminds me of when I staged 12 Angry Men… only with women. 12 Angry Women. Did it before Hamilton was a hit; we even had one of the sisters from the show. So, yes, I know perjury… Actually, not really.

Oliver: I’m as Greek as Jennifer Aniston’s photo double. I’m so Greek I could bankrupt and there wouldn’t be an international bailout in sight.

Charles: What’s the strategy to get Cinda to crack like a… crumbling cookie?

Charles: You surely know her pressure points, the things that leave her vulnerable.
Poppy: Let’s see…Human mistakes, interruptions, employees who happen to not mirror her image.
Mabel: We did catch that, yes.
Poppy: Oh, and she hates tomato guts…wait, here’s a weirder one.
Charles: And tomato innards were normal?
Poppy: Deathly afraid of slow-motion footage.
Oliver: That seals it – she’s an absolute psycho.

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